Category Archives: Expectations

January 30, 2021 · 2:17 PM

Perception

Now you see it, now you don't: what optical illusions tell us about our brains

Years ago, someone had the wrong perception about me. They discovered that I was a long-time Beatles fan, which was an appalling flaw, apparently, since I was a leader in the church. Another time, someone was shocked to see me laughing and dancing around with my small grandchildren at a social event. They had the perception that Christians weren’t supposed to have fun. More recently, there have been some who frown upon my current lack of church affiliation, as if that were an indication of declining spiritual commitment. All these perceptions were and are based on people’s personal belief systems and not on actual conversations with me. In most cases, they didn’t really know me at all.

Perception: The act of perceiving or of receiving impressions by the senses; or that act or process of the mind which makes known an external object (Webster’s Dictionary 1828).

We all have notions and ideas – perceptions – that came along for the ride as we grew up. These were formed as a result of what we saw around us, what we were told by our parents, teachers, friends, or the media. While many of our perceptions may have been based on fact and are therefore correct, a whole lot of them were not. We act on those perceptions and they become what we believe. Then we become what we believe.

Think about God the Father and what you believe about Him. Is He going to reject you unless you come to Him in a certain way or believe the right things about Him? Will He love you less if you don’t measure up to the standards of the world, the church, your family, or most of all, His expectations of you? Does that specific sin cancel your ticket to heaven?

You probably answered no to those questions because, of course, everyone knows that God doesn’t operate that way, right? But come on, who hasn’t heard the “God is going to be so disappointed in you” phrase, whether it be a voice in your head or from someone else.

Perceptions.

And so, another question arises. Do you believe and know the Father God? Or do you perceive and so believe and trust something else?

Really knowing God for myself – not someone else’s perception of Him – is an ongoing game-changer. It’s an amazing process. I spent most of my life listening to other people tell me about God, the bible and what His will was for me, and I just accepted it all until it became my perception too. It was gaining knowledge about Him rather than an experience of knowing Him. There’s such a difference. When I allowed myself to respond to the nudging of the Holy Spirit and put aside all those notions and ideas (perceptions) of who I thought He was so I could know and experience Him for who He really is, I also began to know myself in Christ.

Discovering who you really are – who God created you to be in Him – will lead you out of old ways of thinking which keep you convinced that you aren’t who you are. These are Satan’s weapons. Deception. Lies. Surrendering old thought patterns (perceptions) can be scary to your mind, and the devil knows it. Who do you think put the fear there in the first place? When you introduce something new, the neurons in your brain throw up warning flags. It takes work to change how you think. It’s always easier to give up and not make the effort. But there is no victory in that.

For me, there was, and still is opposition. Opposition from others who cling tightly to their perceptions and tell me I’m heading down a dangerous path. Opposition from within – the fight to dredge up my own perceptions and look at them through God’s microscope. Change is hard. Questioning why I believe what I believe is hard, and it’s a process that doesn’t always have simple answers.

But I trust my Father, so I think I’m in pretty good hands. I know He is real. I know He hears me. I know He speaks to me. I know He is in me and around me all the time. I know He loves me and cares about what I think and feel and do.

He is good.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Psalm 34:8 (NKJV)

Another translation puts it this way:

Drink deeply of the pleasures of this God. Experience for yourself the joyous mercies he gives to all who turn to hide themselves in him. Psalm 34:8 (TPT)

If you’re looking for me, I’m hiding in Him.

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January 25, 2021 · 8:35 AM

Out with the Old

I don’t know about you, but after ten months of relative isolation due to Covid-19, I have been forced to come face to face with some habits that need to go. They’re minor things that wouldn’t even be noticed under ordinary conditions. Yet, these seemingly insignificant routines have potential to grow into big problems over time.

One of those dangerous habits is waiting.

I understand that there will always be situations where waiting is required. That’s life. But I’m referring to fruitless waiting. Waiting for the right time to start that project. Waiting for someone else to spark the flame to get motivated. Waiting for the pandemic to end so I can get back to normal. Waiting, waiting, waiting. If I could tack on all the time I’ve spent waiting to the end of my allotment of years, I’d live to be 125.

Here’s the big one. Waiting to do/be something new because it’s scary or might be hard or someone else might not like it or it might not work the way you thought. Guess what? It is scary. It will be hard. Someone, maybe even more than one, won’t like it. And there’s a good chance it’s not going to work exactly the way you thought.

But what if, despite the scary and hard, the new thing is better than the old? What if the new thing can’t happen until you get rid of the old? The problem is that the old stuff has taken root and now there is no place for the new stuff to be planted amidst the gnarled, twisted, unproductive tangle. You’ll never know how much better the new will be until you attack the old growth, get rid of it, and prepare the soil for that new thing.

This is where you decide. Will you yank out old roots – habits, thought patterns, excuses – to make room to plant new things? If you say yes, it will take determination. Commitment. Hard work. Faith.

I am done waiting for something to happen so I can embrace that new thing. The housecleaning process has begun and there is a growing pile of dead stuff in the trash. I am keeping my focus on Jesus Christ, the One who knows everything about me and loves me anyway. He will stick with me while I make room for the astonishing new He is holding out for me to receive. And He will stick with me to see it through.

Out with the old.

Trust Him with the new.

Now, if anyone is enfolded into Christ, he has become an entirely new creation. All that is related to the old order has vanished. Behold, everything is fresh and new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (TPT)

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January 23, 2021 · 12:45 PM

Wearing Pastels

How to Wear Pastels - Pastel Colors Outfit Ideas

I don’t wear pastel colours. They don’t flatter me. Never have and never will. That’s probably the reason why I have never been drawn to pastels. Except for babies. And maybe a wall.

I mentioned in a previous post, That I May Know Him, that I had recently visited a Christian bookstore and found the women’s interest section almost exclusively filled with pastel-coloured covers, many with the smiling faces of their authors. That got me thinking.

Those who don’t look their best in pastel colours may choose to wear them anyway, perhaps accessorizing with a bright scarf or jacket. They can make it work. Good. Others may throw caution to the wind and boldly (?) put on that pale pink sweater or the baby blue dress all on its own even though it makes the wearer look washed out. Not good.

To the ones who can flaunt those pastels with flair and look fantastic, I commend you, and sometimes I even wished I was you. To the ones who can’t, there are other colours in the paintbox. That’s where I’m going with this.

There is a wide-spread expectation for women to look and act and speak a certain way, and that is to be pastel – look good, behave yourself, and be quiet. Don’t make a scene by standing up for yourself and speaking truth, because what would other people say? A mere woman couldn’t possibly have a valuable opinion anyway, right? For all the progress we’ve made in women’s rights, there is still a prevailing mindset that the female gender is inferior in every way that counts in the world’s gauge of dominance. I know there are many, many exceptions, but let’s be honest. It’s not the rule.

Pastel colours are burned into our brains to represent soft and gentle and feminine. That’s okay. But when you extend the reach of pastels to include acquiescence, subservience, and compliance to the extremes, a disconnect occurs and the pretty colours become labels for an unpretty life. The outside may look great, but the inside is in shambles. And I’m not talking about actual colours here, but rather the condition of the heart.

Take a good look at yourself. Have you put on the robe of pastel because that’s what is expected of you? Are you wearing those colours because someone(s) told you that you don’t have what it takes to speak, sing, write, paint, teach, lead, preach, invent what God has placed in your heart because you’re a woman? I will tell you right now that if you believe that, you’ve believed a lie. It’s time to ditch the pastel and put on the robe of many colours. Bright, bold, vibrant colours!

What’s in you – that God-given treasure inside you – does not depend on whether you are a man or a woman. It depends on you, and the boldness God gives you to get it out. You can choose to remain pastel and keep wishing it could be different. Or you can choose to be the colourful, vivid, multi-faceted, talented, extraordinary woman you were created to be.

Allow the Spirit of the Living God to fill you and sustain you and work through you and in you. Amazing things will happen!

Paul grasped the concept when he wrote:

I don’t depend on my own strength to accomplish this; however I do have one compelling focus: I forget all of the past as I fasten my heart to the future instead. I run straight for the divine invitation of reaching the heavenly goal and gaining the victory-prize through the anointing of Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14 (TPT)

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December 30, 2020 · 11:07 AM

This is Now

The Time is NOW wall clock | Zazzle.com | Diy clock wall, Cool clocks, Wall clock

It’s that time when we are reminded to reflect on the past year and set goals for the next. This is all with the hope that the new year will be everything that 2020 was not, as if that last tick of the clock at midnight will reset our lives.

Sorry to disappoint, but it doesn’t work that way.

This is now. It’s what you have.

I’ve concluded that I spend far too much time thinking about what happened in my past and, on the flip side, wasted so many precious minutes fretting about what could happen in my future. Really, how dumb is that? I don’t want to use my brain power on things I can’t do anything about.

The past is done. Over. Finished. You can’t change it. Remember the good stuff and learn from your mistakes. Move on.

The future is yet to come. Set your course to accomplish the things you need to in order to achieve whatever prize it is you’re reaching for and do it.

My point is: THIS. IS. NOW.

Are you missing the blessing, the love, the wonder, the joy of today because you’re mired in the past or caught up in what could happen in the future? Our Father, in all His infinite wisdom, gave us NOW.

Stop what you’re doing. Look around. Smile. Send a text message to someone you haven’t talked to for a while. Pick up the phone and call a friend or a family member. Write something positive in your journal. Thank God for your life, your health, your home – for His care.

No excuses.

Let this be your focus:

Then, by constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of his love will become the very source and root of your life. Then you will be empowered to discover what every holy one experiences—the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply intimate and far-reaching is his love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding—this extravagant love pours into you until you are filled to overflowing with the fullness of God! Ephesians 3:17-19 (TPT)

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April 27, 2014 · 1:28 PM

The Catch

It’s finished.

Done.

The End.

Let the Hallelujah Chorus resound.

After months of thinking, typing, dreaming, typing, eating, typing, revising, typing, and revising some more, my novel, The Catch, is complete. Aside from a little polish here and there, it’s ready for submission to the powers that be.

What happens when a frustrated writer is visited by the main characters of her work in progress, asking her to help them find their happy ending? Well, a whole lot of interesting twists and turns, that’s what. More about that in a later post.

For now, I am basking in the euphoria of having finished this 65,000 word story by the deadline I’d set for myself. And considering this was not a piece of work that I’d done any amount of prior writing on, it is nothing short of a miracle that it is finished. Seriously.

The point of this post is the catch. (Not The Catch.)

The catch to doing something like this is actually doing something like this.

You can cry and lament and whine all you want about how hard it is to write and finish a book. But until you sit down, with your rear in the chair and your fingers on the keyboard, I’ve got no sympathy. Because it ain’t gonna happen any other way.

I know this.

Because I was the one doing that crying and lamenting and whining for way too many years.

There is no doubt about it; writing is work. It’s hard. It’s not even that much fun sometimes. But you have to stick with it.

Every.

Single.

Day.

And now, less than 24 hours since my last revisions were completed, I am outlining my next novel.

And it’s going to be a doozy!

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August 16, 2013 · 8:05 PM

Messed Up Thinking

I used to have messed up thinking. Yes, folks, it’s true.

I used to think it mattered what other people thought about the way I looked or what I did or who I talked to. It doesn’t.

I used to think I had to reach some high level of corporate performance in order to be successful. I didn’t.

I used to think I’d have to be the person I thought others wanted me to be before they would accept me. Not true.

I used to think I was required to meet everyone’s expectations, even if I didn’t know what they were. How dumb.

I used to think I had failed miserably as a human being because I couldn’t do all of the above. A lie.

The thing is, there are countless messed up thinkers out there who are deceived, because this is the way the world measures success, acceptance, love. And the results are failed relationships. Depression. Self-esteem issues. Suicides. Loneliness. Fear. I could go on.

The bottom line is that who and what you are matters to God. You are precious to Him and He loves you – His own creation. He is the only one who will accept and love you unconditionally, regardless of what you’ve done or where you’ve been. He can straighten out your messed up thinking. He can put you on the straight path to real success.

Jesus said in John 10:10: “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (NKJV)

Stop listening to the enemy’s lies. Allow Jesus to give you life – and more abundantly!

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July 30, 2013 · 8:24 AM

At Last . . .

At last, our move is complete. We bid farewell to the old home and are now settling in to our new one. Although there is much to do before everything is organized and in its place, the rush is over and we can take our time unpacking.

Now the process of discovery begins and questions arise:

– What is the solution for that odor coming from the garbage disposal?

– Why is there an abundance of lights in the house except under the kitchen counter where you need them?

– What possessed the previous owners of our home to drive multiple screws – not finish nails or thumb tacks – into nearly every single wall in order to hang small pictures? Except, of course, in the room I have chosen for my office where we will have to drive multiple screws into the walls for my bookshelves.

– Where is the nearest convenience store? Or Tim Horton’s? Or gas station?

–  Why is there no exit ramp to Evans Road when you’re going west on the highway?

They say it takes 21 days to form or break a habit, to learn a new routine, or to feel at home in a new place. I know this to be true. And after months of being unsettled, living among boxes and anticipating the move, I am looking forward to putting down roots. I can already feel those tiny shoots pushing into the ground.

It’s a new day. A new beginning. A new life.

That reminds me:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV)

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June 13, 2013 · 11:16 AM

What is Normal?

I looked up the word normal in the dictionary and this is what I found.

Normal: conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

It other words, normal is anything that’s not abnormal. And that definition didn’t help me at all.

Because sometimes I yearn for normal without even really knowing that that is. Maybe a week without a crisis of some kind. Or a day where the phone doesn’t ring. Or an hour of uninterrupted reading time.

Nope. Doesn’t happen.

I’ve concluded there is no such thing as normal. Our lives are what they are, and the idea of normal is often just a fanciful imagination. Really, what fun would it be if we actually got what we thought we wanted from a normal life? Not much. And we’d be bored out of our trees. Dullards, perhaps.

Know what a dullard is? A dull-witted person, according to Webster’s.

The lack of normal in my life is what makes it interesting. Enjoyable. A learning experience. A roller coaster of highs and lows and everything in between. No possibility of becoming a dullard.

The lack of normal has become my normal.

And a kinda like it that way.

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March 25, 2013 · 10:59 AM

500 Blog Posts

Can you believe I’ve posted to this blog 500 times? FIVE HUNDRED! Five-zero-zero. I know, I know, it’s quite shocking.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I wanted to write something profound. Except that there is not much profound about me. I’m pretty much a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of person. I used to try to be what other people wanted me to be, but that didn’t work. I was unhappy. Uncomfortable. Always on edge, wondering if I was measuring up to the expectations of people whose opinion didn’t matter anyway. I wasn’t me.

So I stopped getting my hair cut and I let it go gray. I invested in a bunch of flowing peasant dresses and a good pair of Burkenstocks. All in a non-literal sense, of course. My hair is still short and I admit that I cover the gray. I don’t own a single peasant dress, but I would love the Burkenstocks.

The point is that I realized I needed to be the woman God wanted me to be rather than some psycho corporate workaholic, perfect homemaker, flawless socialite kind of woman that stressed beyond reason while trying to please everyone. God showed me that the people who were most important to me were the only ones I needed to be concerned about. My husband. My family. My closest friends. Aside from doing my best at my job and serving faithfully in my church, the opinions and expectations of the rest are on an I’ll consider it basis.

There is such freedom in doing that.

The key is walking daily with the Lord. Reading the Word. Prayer. And then following the direction He sets before you. He gives you strength to say no when you need to say no. He shows you a different route when the one you’ve been following leads you into negative situations. He has the answer when you find yourself at the end of your rope.

On this day of my 500th blog post, I can say that I think am more me than I have ever been in my life. Thanks to an awesome God who is so very patient with me.

And at the end of the day, His opinion is the one that matters.

 

 

 

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January 1, 2013 · 9:41 AM

The New Year’s Resolution Hoax

Welcome 2013!

Have you got that sheet of paper in front of you, ready to make your annual list of New Year’s resolutions? I’ll bet you’ve got some good ones. Just like last year. And the year before.

Before you start writing, I’d like to take this opportunity to burst your bubble. It’s a hoax. All of it. The whole New Year’s resolution thing was something somebody made up ages ago so you could, for a few minutes on January 1st, feel good about yourself. Anyone with half a brain knows that nothing ever really comes of making those resolutions.

Unless . . .

. . . you have a plan.

Let’s say you’re a fiction writer and you want to get that novel finished in 2013. You can write the goal down on your resolution list, but unless you have a plan to make sure that happens, it will still be on your list at the end of the year. I know this. You need a regular writing schedule. A goal with the number of words you must compose.

Or maybe you want to lose weight or spend more time with your family or get a great new job. You’ve got them written down on your list and you’re smiling. But how will you take that weight off, or be with your family, or find that new job?

Along with every New Year’s resolution you identify, you have to have a plan. A good plan. One that is reasonable and will work for you. Writing down that plan is just as important as coming up with the resolution in the first place. Maybe more.

Then do a checkup on your plan once a month or so to keep yourself on track. Do some tweaking if you have to.

Above all, don’t fall for the New Year’s Resolution Hoax. The goals on your list don’t just happen. There is thought and prayer involved. Planning. And hard work.

At the end of 2013, you want to look at your list and smile in satisfaction.

Happy New Year!

 

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