The Office of Dumb Ideas

Once upon a time, there was a woman who worked for the Competent International Baloney Company. She always tried to do her best for the Company and sometimes she was rewarded with a pat on the head, her name on a 4″ x 6″ piece of paper in a cheap plastic frame, and a $5 gift card for Starbucks. She thought she was happy. Even though she didn’t drink Starbucks coffee.

This went on for a number of years, and the woman embraced every procedure change, every management change, and every other Dumb Idea that came from the top. Sometimes They even asked her opinion and let her think that she had a measure of influence in the decision making process.

But eventually, the woman began to question the sanity of Those in the Office of Dumb Ideas. They were far away in the city at the Centre of the Universe, and they didn’t have much use for the comments or opinions from the people in the rest of the country, especially those in the Wild West. Most of Them had no concept of what it was that the employees of the Competent International Baloney Company actually did. So, while the Dumb Ideas sounded good to Them, the Ideas were seldom practical. Or logical. Or workable. And the Ideas always cost a lot of money, which was okay with Them because They would rather waste the Company’s money on Dumb Ideas than paint the walls or fix the toilets or clean the carpets. Or give their employees a raise.

The woman rebelled.

So They promoted her. Not because they agreed with her, but because They thought if They had her under their noses close to the Office of Dumb Ideas in the city at the Centre of the Universe, They could convince her that They were right and she was wrong, and she would behave herself.

She didn’t.

So she asked to be sent back to the Wild West.

They agreed. But they also sent the Vice President of Follow My Orders Or Else to keep an eye on her. It goes without saying that the woman and the Vice President did not get along very well. Not at all, in fact.

The day came that the Office of Dumb Ideas decided to shut down the department which was managed by the woman. All employees were offered the choice of a job elsewhere within the Competent International Baloney Company – jobs that in no way compared to what they had been doing – or a Generous Severance. Every employee chose the Generous Severance.

The woman went on to enjoy her Life more than she ever had before. She is grateful to the Office of Dumb Ideas for eliminating her position and giving her, and her co-workers, the opportunity to pursue their dreams.

Was it all a Master Plan?

You tell me.


Filed under Writing

6 responses to “The Office of Dumb Ideas

  1. Rick Modien

    You bet it was a master plan, Wendy. That it was.
    When the woman’s time was done at you-know-where (very clever), You Know Who made it so she had to leave. And look at her today.
    What a great message to get out to all those who might face the same fate as the woman. It isn’t the end of the world, is it, to be down-sized, or, I might add, to leave on your own/retire? Why, it’s only the beginning.
    Haven’t regretted a day since I left. I’m so much closer to my authentic self than I have ever been. Now, all my time is spent being me, pursuing my dreams, and not some stooge for you-know-where.
    Great post. Great message.

    • Ah, Rick, I knew you would “get” this one! The woman is definitely in a better place and has not regretted her decision to leave the Competent International Baloney Company for even one second. She has heard that the Vice President of Follow My Orders Or Else has not changed a bit and has new stooges to pick on, and the Office of Dumb Ideas is still churning out ridiculous initiatives that continue to enslave the masses. She has encouraged a few remaining friends on the inside, particularly those still working in the Centre of the Universe, to plan their escape route before their brains have been washed clean of any original thought. Hopefully, they will take her advice. You were one of the wise ones.

  2. Love it. I work for an airline so, when the public complains, I shrug and say “department of good ideas.” I hope you’re having a blast in your new life. I’m just hanging on until our less-than-stellar severance kicks in.

    Just wish I’d thought of the Competent International Baloney Company. So funny.

    And yep, I think the Master Plan is an ill-conceived social experiment.

  3. karenhancock

    I loved it, too, Wendy. Even though I never worked for the Competent International Baloney Company, I could totally relate. Love ALL your names in this. Especially “The Office of Dumb Ideas….”

    • Karen, remind me one day to tell you all about the Competent International Baloney Company and their Office of Dumb Ideas. My career was colourful, to say the least, and we were mutually glad to see the last of each other when I retired in 2008. 🙂

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