The Focus

The focus is difficult for me. I imagine that from the inside, my brain looks a big empty room with thousands of colored rubber balls bouncing off the walls, floor, and ceiling. Each ball is a thought and trying to follow just one of them until it stops is nearly impossible. Sometimes it’s down right overwhelming.

The million random thoughts fighting for attention is not a new thing. I have lived with them for as long as I can remember and since I’ve never known anything else, it’s normal. And it’s mostly good. I love the variety and excitement of new ideas. Of course, these have been known to come out as disjointed sentences and context-less interjections during conversation, but I can usually pass it off as eccentricity or something like that. Everyone knows I’m kinda crazy anyway.

The not good part is when some of those thoughts turn wonky and I don’t get rid of them before they begin to cause fear and worry and anxiety. They’re harder to destroy once they get to that stage, trust me. It’s really quite annoying how there never seems to be a problem with focus where they are concerned. And I have long been aware that the trouble-making thoughts always surface when you are trying to fall asleep, interfering with your rest and general well being.

I have a lot of practice with this scripture:

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:4-5 (NKJV)

I am so grateful for the ability to think so many amazing thoughts, to use them wisely when speaking to others, and to transform them into stories and projects and creative ideas. But with every ability comes a responsibility, and that requires a lot of guidance from the Holy Spirit.