Funny English

We were taught that the English language is a precise form of communication and if one learned and followed the rules of grammar exactly; your diction and compositions would be perfect. People who speak other languages have their doubts about this. Here are some linguistic anomalies from the book “Crazy English”by linguist Richard Lederer.

• If adults commit adultery, do infants commit infantry?
• If olive oil is made from olive, what do they make baby oil from?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
• A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, hammers don’t ham, humdingers don’t humding, ushers don’t ush, and haberdashers do not haberdash
• If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of booth be beeth?
• One goose, two geese—so one moose, two meese?
• There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger.
• Sweetmeat are candies, while sweetbreads are meat
• Quicksand  works slowly.
• Boxing rings are square.
• One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
• Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
• Why do people have noses that run and feet that smell?
• Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
• How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?
• How can a wise man and a wise guy be opposites?
• How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
• An alarm clock goes off by going on.
• When a house burns up, why does it burn down.
• You fill in a form by filling it out.
• When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
• Why when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this article, I end it?

Just something to think about today.