Funny English

We were taught that the English language is a precise form of communication and if one learned and followed the rules of grammar exactly; your diction and compositions would be perfect. People who speak other languages have their doubts about this. Here are some linguistic anomalies from the book “Crazy English”by linguist Richard Lederer.

  • If adults commit adultery, do infants commit infantry?
  • If olive oil is made from olive, what do they make baby oil from?
  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
  • A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, hammers don’t ham, humdingers don’t humding, ushers don’t ush, and haberdashers do not haberdash
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of booth be beeth?
  • One goose, two geese—so one moose, two meese?
  • There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger.
  • Sweetmeat are candies, while sweetbreads are meat
  • Quicksand  works slowly.
  • Boxing rings are square.
  • One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
  • Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
  • Why do people have noses that run and feet that smell?
  • Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
  • How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?
  • How can a wise man and a wise guy be opposites?
  • How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
  • An alarm clock goes off by going on.
  • When a house burns up, why does it burn down.
  • You fill in a form by filling it out.
  • When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
  • Why when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this article, I end it?

Just something to think about today.

 

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4 Comments

Filed under Being Creative, Humor

4 responses to “Funny English

  1. Melanie Parker Reynolds

    Love the food for thought!

  2. Nice one, really funny… How can a wise man and a wise guy be opposites?… loved it
    It sounds like a good book to read ‘Crazy English’

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